Salaamun 3alaykum,
I live in Belgium, I’d like to know your opinion about polygyny in general and polygyny in the West. There are a lot of muslims here now who encourage that practice. They say that it is the right of the man to do so and it is a sunnah that is going to die here in the West and we have to make it alive again. They recommand it very much, they say because of the fitnah here. But I have always understand it as a sollution to some social problems that can occur in a society, not a "right" of a man, it’s not a gift from Allah swt, because it wouldn’t be fair then, to have a gift on the expense of the feelings of the first wife ?
I can’t believe that Allah swt would put the "Shahwa" of a man above the feelings of a woman ? And that it is a recommanded sunnah, that is also something I can’t believe, because if it was recommanded, why does the hadieth say, that when a man has two wives and he doesn’t threat them equal then he wil be with his half body paralyzed till he enters hell. It’s such a big risk, so how can that practice of polygyny be recommanded as a sunnah of our prophet ? The only thing I can come up to is when there is a niya with such a nobel cause that the earning of that must be jannah firdaus, like when a widow with small children in a society where she can get no support whatsoever, that she has to prostitute herself so she can feed her children and when an already married man marries her with the niya to support her and protect her, that it is because of that that Allah swt left it halaal, not made it halaal, because it already excisted before our prophet saw.
The muslims in my community say that they follow the most respected scholars who say that polygyny is a rule and one woman is an exception of a rule ?! Alhamdoulillah that not every man thinks like that, but I’m worried about the scholars, why do they say such things if it’s not correct ? I could be wrong ofcourse, but I just don’t think that it was that what Allah swt has meanted when he sended that aya in sourat a nisa of "... two, three or four, ... then one, ..." ???
I’ve read and searched a lot about this subject and my conclusion is this, i hope you will let me share it with you :
In the time of our beloved prophet saw, woman in general didn’t have any value, you could buy and sell them, you could burry them alive when they were little and you could get them through heritage. They didn’t have nothing to say, not even who they would marry and not.
In that context you must see the hikma of the coming of our prophet saw. The islam brought the people from the darkness to the light, but it didn’t do it overnight, it took time and some other changes had to take more time than the timelife of our prophet, like polygyny and slaverny.
Polygyny was a custom that was practices for centuries before Mohammed saw. It didn’t have rules or bounderies or restrictions. They could take as many wives as they likes, without limitations.
Allah swt, with his wisdom, wanted to bring the people to the perfect practice of this deen, but step by step. The people of that time were savages and they had to brought up again with other values and an other belief ofcourse, islam.
Allah swt sais in sourat nisa : ... from you I created your wife (not wives)...
Allah swt has created Adam and Hawa, not Adam and a group of woman.
But He swt, with his wisdom, left polygyny halaal so it can solve some social problems in the society. But the best form of Islamic marriage is one man - one woman. Polygyny is an exception of a rule, not a rule.
Allah swt is Ra7maan wa Al3adl. It’s not possible to call Him like that if you believe that polygyny is the 7aqq of a man, like a gift from Allah swt to the man. It’s like you say that Allah swt puts the pleasure of a man above the feelings of a woman. NO, it’s a practice that is needed when the circumstanses are there, like when there is a war and there are lots of widowes with children (orphanes). Or when a woman falls chronical ill.
Allah swt left polygyny halaal for the protection of woman, not for the pleasure of the man. And it’s not a sunnah of our prophet saw. It excisted before he saw was even born and it was a wide practice of the people of his time and before. It’s not a sunnah that is recommanded, because there is not one hadieth that (that I can come up to, Allah u A3lam) says, "o you men, marry more than one woman." He practiced it always with a political or a social reason. And so did the sahaba’s and the tabi3ien and the tabi3 tabi3ien. There is not one case that it is about Shahwa of our prophet saw (astaghfirullah) or the people with iman.
The hadith that says that when a man doesn’t threat his two wives equal, he will have half of his body paralyzed till he enters the hell. This is such a grave warning, that it can’t be recommanded to do. There must be a higher goal, that you can earn Firdaus with, that can make you take that big risk. Surtenly not for your Shahwa ! But maybe to help a widow from prostituing herself so she can feed her small children ! That is a nobel cause.
If a man says : "I want to marry a second wife, because it is my 7aqq, Allah swt has given me and it’s a sunnah of our prophet saw and I want to earn points with that" Then I’d like to see his face on the Day of Resurrecion when he comes to Allah swt and the only reason he can think of is : well, i just wanted some variations in bed !
Because the most of the men, not all ofcourse, but most of them, it is only for their pleasure, that they hurt their wives with, they don’t care.
A lot of them tell their woman : It’s my 7aqq, you can’t make something haraam when Allah swt made it halaal. You act like that and you are hurting because your imaan is weak !" Soub7hAllah ! Why is his imaan not weak when I say, have sabr brother, make the woman you already have happy and when you enter Jannah inshAllah you’ll have her and 7our el 3ein. Put some jihad nafsi on yourself then to put it on somebody else !
The rules that there are of how you must deal just between the wives, are the rules so to be just between your present wife and the other wife who was a widow or a elder lady who never married because of circumstances, not a virgin of an early age !! Let those virgins for the virgin man who wants to marry !
The other reason that they say that polygyny should be practiced in this time and place is : well, there are more women then men. That’s thrue, there are more women, but after the age of 50 years. Between 14 years and 45 years there are the same amount of woman and men. Well, why don’t those men who claim to marry a second or third or fourth woman because of the sunnah of our prophet marry the women above 50 years !! NO, they don’t want to shelter a woman in need because she is too old ??? They claim it’s not because of shahwa ???
I believe that Allah swt is Al3adl and Arra7maan. He wouldn’t put a woman throught something like that, what is very grave on her, just for the pleasure of the man, there must be something bigger than that.
I’m very sorry that it took such a long mail, but if i’m honest, I’ve got a lot more to ask, but if you answer me this, then I’ll be a way further. I’m also sorry for my language, I speak dutch, so english is not my strongest language. Thank you very much, JazakAllahu Gheir !
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